Thursday, March 8, 2012

Bad Dreams

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I've been having terrible nightmares lately. It seems like once a week or so I wake to Brandon gently shaking me and calling me back to reality and the safety of our bed. I think I could count on two hands the number of bad dreams that I've had prior to this month. One that sticks in my mind was from about 10 years ago. Everyone in my neighborhood had turned into enormous, human-sized spiders. I was running down the street towards my house while they all started coming out of their houses. I got to my front porch as the door started opening. It was my dad... as an enormous black spider wearing glasses and staring at me. Weird, I know. But I had this sudden feeling of being all alone, everyone had changed.

Even weirder than the frequency of these bad dreams lately, is that in each one, I'm drowning. I'm assuming the gasps for air and the imaginary struggle to breathe is what wakes Brandon. In one, a snapping turtle was pulling me towards the bottom of a murky lake and I couldn't get free. In another, one of our close friends was holding my head under water.

I decided to do a little research online and see what this actually means. According to this site, dreams of drowning can represent a fear of sinking financially or drowning in difficulties. This site mentioned drowning might represent a threat or fear of being swallowed up, or taken over, basically overwhelmed. I suppose it has been challenging to keep up with everything recently but this isn't anything new. Balancing school and work, marriage and a social life has always been a tricky tight rope to walk. I was telling Brandon about my online discovery and he thinks I stress about things that I don't need to. For instance, almost daily I recalculate our budget. How much is going towards student loans, how much is going into savings. And then I obssess about whether or not we should consider buying a home once we reach our savings goal. Where would kids fit into this picture? Is it possible to save for our retirement and save for childrens' college funds? What about a new car? I've been driving the same one for 8 years. Is it selfish to want a new car? It's probably smarter to save money right now. We should probably see a financial advisor.

These thoughts are almost constant. It's kind of laughable once I get it all written out. I've always had a really difficult time taking it one day at a time. And I feel like that's very unfortunate, because time passes too quickly when you're always worried and anticipating the next step, the next chapter. My goal for myself is to relax. Trust that we're doing all we can for our future, and start enjoying the present :-)

Am I the only basket case out there?

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21 comments:

Jes said...

i always try to look up the meaning of my dreams when i wake up! though, last night, i dreamt i was in vegas with my girl friends so i don't think there's much there except i need a vacation! hope your dreams stop being so scary! it's the worst to wake up in panic.
xx jes

www.twosmuppies.com

jessica said...

wow this is kinda crazy to me, i have bad dreams a lot, too. not as much now since i started taking sleeping meds. i used to dream about a man wearing all black who followed me in ALL my dreams. including the dreams about huge spiders chasing me through the hallways of my old church....seriously that was a re-occuring dream for me. as are dreams of drowning. i've had people just tell me some people dream more vividly than others. but i can definitely see how it can come from being stressed out.

Ruthie Hart said...

I have goosebumps ALL over my arms reading the spider story. I have woken up multiple times over the past couple of years thinking they were crawling on me. EEEK I can barely even write that it creeps me out. And girl, I am like you, I tend to worry about things that don't need to be worried about. I think as women and as wives, it is in our nature to make sure everything is in line

Lauren said...

Definitely not the only basket case out there! I think I hit 25 and became a full on worry wart. Now I worry about finishing school, keeping friendships, my VISA bill (ahh!), stressing over my husband paying for everything while I'm in school, how to buy a house, savings for traveling, where we'll buy a house, kids or no kids, car or no car....and on and on and on. While the dreams are scary don't let them freak you out more. I try to take a deep breath and remind myself that everything has worked out so far :)
Have a great day lady!! xo

Kodi said...

I do the same thing and I am neither married or looking to buy a house. I always worry about money and my future.

I guess it's just natural, but I sure do wish I could relax every once in a while.

Kodi said...

I do the same thing and I am neither married or looking to buy a house. I always worry about money and my future.

I guess it's just natural, but I sure do wish I could relax every once in a while.

JRuud said...

Dreams are so interesting and I'm so glad you posted this, because as of lately, I've been having terrible nightmares too! I need to really look up what mine mean.

Love your blog.

Vanessa said...

I do the same. But then you dont enjoy things. I think you are doing great saving and milk that car to the last of it. You Im sure have enough saved that you could get a car if you need need need it & with gas prices going up eeekkkk maybe a greatfuel efficient car?

I hate bad dreams and have had some this last couple of weeks. hate it.

La Mode by Marianne said...

Oh boy I hear ya on the stress/bad dreams - my bf had to wake me up one night after I woke HIM up...screaming in my sleep.

I had a dream that I was trying to warn people but no one would listen, hence the screaming lol.

And by the way, budgeting for student loans by itself is reason enough for nightmares - mine are horrific.

laurenjeanallece said...

Oh my goodness, definitely not the only basket case... I'm right there with ya!

lo @ crazy ever after said...

I don't have nightmares, but I stress out constantly during the day. So much so that I started seeing a therapist. Ahhhh. I totally just admitted that to the blog universe. But it's true. And I kinda like it. I pay someone to listen to me rant, and then she gives me suggestions on how to manage things.

Cas said...

No way! Amira, the more I learn about you, the more similar I learn that we are :) Except this one is no good. I have nightmares all the time too, and since being married, it's affecting someone else besides me! Very recently, Will woke up because of my nightmare, and then he told me I said that I saw something in our room and was pointing to it. Definitely not what the guy wanted to hear. Probably thought he married a crazy.

But I feel ya, and my heart goes out to you with your stressful drowning dreams :/

Lindsay @ Trial By Sapphire said...

Oh, girlfriend! Money is my biggest stressor! I know how you feel! And I do the same thing. While all of these women around me (including bloggers) are buying new things like clothes, beauty supplies, iPhone cases, Birch Boxes, etc., I feel stuck and like I can't join in on the fun. However, Mr. TBS and I are extremely proud that we NEVER live outside of our means. While others have credit card debt, we don't. AT ALL. We only have "good debt" with my student loan (almost paid off!) and my car.

You're not a basket case. And if you are, we BOTH are! ;-)

Daisy said...

I hate bad dreams but they do give me a rush when I wake up. Like the ones where you're running away from someone. I'm crazy just like you, I worry about everything. You're right though, one day at a time :)

Denise said...

My dreams are always so stupid and random.. But I have had a bad dream before that made me cry! NOT FUN!

Emily Hope said...

I am constantly worried about these things -however I am not very in control on things. It sounds as though you have got a good handle on your finances and I think you'll figure out what to do when the time comes. So listen to your own advice and enjoy each day and try not to worry.

p.s. I have dreams about nearly drowning all the time. This has now got me thinking - and incredibly worried about all sorts of things.

Allison said...

I am a born worrier, but I'm trying to be better and just let things go. If we don't we would all be nuts! I hate bad dreams...just hate them. Maybe try to read a happy book and drink some hot tea before you go to bed to help you relax? Hope you are able to relax girly!

Drama Queen said...

I HATE bad dreams where it feels like you are drowning! Especially dreams where you are in a bad scenario but you can't do ANYTHING. I am so sorry

Allie said...

haha first off, i don't think you're a basket case. after hearing about many bad dreams from different people, and having some of my own, i think for the most part they really are a representation of our greatest fears in dream form. i know that when i'm afraid of something (even before i know it) it comes to me in a dream. i know as a child i had really vivid and recurring ones, and would end up screaming or crying. especially when it dealt with death and abandonment. i remember one time i was having a bad dream and i woke up gasping and crying which really shook up my boyfriend because he had never seen anything like it. Wow, this is getting long. Anyway, i think you've set a good goal for yourself. I think relaxing is always a good thing to do regardless if there's a problem or not. it's just a bit of relief that's always nice to have :) it may also give you a clear head to tackle things from a different state of mind which could be refreshing

Allie said...

haha first off, i don't think you're a basket case. after hearing about many bad dreams from different people, and having some of my own, i think for the most part they really are a representation of our greatest fears in dream form. i know that when i'm afraid of something (even before i know it) it comes to me in a dream. i know as a child i had really vivid and recurring ones, and would end up screaming or crying. especially when it dealt with death and abandonment. i remember one time i was having a bad dream and i woke up gasping and crying which really shook up my boyfriend because he had never seen anything like it. Wow, this is getting long. Anyway, i think you've set a good goal for yourself. I think relaxing is always a good thing to do regardless if there's a problem or not. it's just a bit of relief that's always nice to have :) it may also give you a clear head to tackle things from a different state of mind which could be refreshing

Jenna said...

I hope the nightmares go away soon friend! Dreams are a funny thing... they most definitely probably mean you're stressing over something, but dream analysis is also faulty so don't let it freak you out too much!

Hope you have a relaxing weekend sans nightmares :)

xxx
Jenna

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